Thursday, June 18, 2009

Detox or "How to not fart for 2 whole weeks..."

Holy Canoli! I never thought I would be on one of these. Me + Detox= rather diAt!
I had tried a few and every time on the second day I would throw up, eat a muffin and say DONE&done!!"

But this time it was different. I hadn't been feeling like my usual peppy self and I was tired/laggy a lot of the time. What was worse is that my usual foodie fare was tasting blazah. Nothing sounded good to eat. And I had gained a 5 pounds in addition to that 5 pounds you are always constantly trying to lose. Plus I have been wanting to cut down the meat in our diets. Not that I don't LOVE good quality meat. Oooooh I do, idoidoidoidoooooo.....BUT I don't think its healthy of us to eat it all the time and we had been wanting to switch over completely to farm raised meats. Specifically the type that Eat Wilds website explains much better than I can.

From there I started trying to figure out what to do. There are a lot of detox diets out there. And I really wasn't looking for a diet, more just to flush out my system. First I started looking for recipes because I didn't want to be stuck in the kitchen all day. That led me to raw food which I wasn't completely in to. I'm really a hot soup type of girl. I had heard of the lemonade diet and definitely wasn't into that. Then my hairdresser told me how she did it for 34 days and felt awesome. From there I decided I SHOULD definitely do the lemonade diet. lol

So I started looking at this site for the lemonade and got a couple of books at the library. I was all ready to do it when I realized I am signed up for CSA deliveries which cannot be put on hold. So I would be letting boxes of these beautiful vegetables wither right during the peak of season too!! Or worse give them to someone else to enjoy. Maybe I should do the Raw Food diet I thought again..... So I tried making a recipe for raw tomato soup. DO NOT WANT is all I can say about that!

Well by now I was on Day 2 of a start of some kind of detox diet. I'd eaten a plain vegetable soup. (I actually cheated on this the whole time by using chicken stocks for the soups but cmonnnnnnn) BUT I had no game plan at all, just a bunch of different ideas. So I decided to try the pills option and walked over to Whole Foods to check out kits.

Now one of my botched attempts at a Detox was when I bought a kit from Whole Foods with a Fiber Blend that I was supposed to drink every night before bed. It tasted like a glass of wet sand and I threw up the second day. So you can understand my hesitation on getting another kit. Luckily a nice man with multiple piercings and a tattooed head was working the Herbal remedies section at WF and provided me with excellent advice. I told him how THIS was basically my first serious attempt at a Detox. He went over the kits with me and what did what or focused on some kind of problem. Since I wasn't focused on a specific area, and it was my first time, he suggested the WF store brand "365 Complete Body Cleanse Kit" or the Whole Body Cleanse Kit. Both were the same, except the 365 Kit included basically no instructions on how to eat, but I could deal with that for $13 less. Especially since I'd been reading and researching for about a week now. I definitely was aware of what NOT to eat. "Et tu, cupcake?!"

So I skipped home with two "365 Complete Body Cleanse Kits!" Oh I forgot to mention, my dear Mr.Phi decided to do the detox with me. He'd been wanting to lose some weight and thought this would be a good way. So he'd been going along with all my schemes and said he was game for pills now too. What a dear sheep that is until he saw the amount of pills we had to take. Felt like Valley of the Dolls.

Now I bet you're wondering what kind of diet we did. Basically it was cutting out everything we like to eat rofl! No Meat, No Gluten, No Wheat, No Sugar, No processed foods, No dairy, No caffeine, and No alcohol sob!! What is even harder is we try to eat locally, so there was additional stuff we could no eat. boooo Oh and in addition to this , we would try to eat 1 raw meal a day. Usually a salad of some sort.

So begin the CSA Vegetable diet, some tofu and tempeh tagged along ANDDDDD it actually wasn't as bad as we thought. Except for the fact Mr.Phi had to start a week later than me on the pills. That was annoying because we had to stay on the diet an extra week. The pills were not bad, but make sure you read the instructions on the side of the bottle as well. I actually ended up lowering my dosage to 1 of the Herbal Laxative Forumal a night because it got a lil too INTENSE for me. But the bottle said to do that if it does. Still it was a ton of pills to take in morning and night. I think all the water alone it takes to choke down the pills is enough to cleanses your system.

How can you NOT have some cheats. Its really impossible. I was more impressed by Mr.Phi's willpower since he has catered lunches at work every day. What a trooper!

Our first cheat was at the Opera at the Ballpark after 6 days of goodness. We could not resist a a glass of red wine with some Gilroy Garlic fries. I mean it junkfood madness around us and here we were munching on salads with lentil soup. There are worse things we could of done.

To be honest, I really didn't start missing meat till the second week and then it hit me like a ton O' bricks. All I could think of was meat every friggin DAY. So on my second to last night of the detox, I bought a rotisserie chicken at the Farmers Market and had my way with it. Which was sooooo worth it. There was glorious drooling and absorbing every last morsel of meat on the bone. This is how we were supposed to enjoy eating, its supposed to be almost a religious experience of honoring the food. Today we don't get food the credit it deserves and the detox really made me think about that.

What Have I learned?

I think meat makes me fart and gassy. lol Not once did me or Mr.Phi fart the whole time we were on the detox. We noticed it after a week and found it hilarious.

Also, we were dissapointed by HOW AWESOME WE FELT! That was very sad because we love to eat everything. And of course we have since gone back to eatting everything but you don't forget something like that.

And now I am more aware of what I eat. I try to eat healthier and be aware of not mixing too many of the don't eats together. But that is tricky since I love to cook and they are so tasty all mixed together. But as I always say, Food is all about moderation in our society today when everything is so readily available. We know our limits and too much of a good thing can quickly become a veryyyy bad thing. Suddenly its not a treat anymore and that is heartbreaking in a way. I want my chocolate cake to make me go GAGA, not ho-hum.

In conclusion, a Detox is a wonderful to do once or twice a year. Next time I plan on buying a juicer and trying a week long vegetable juice fast. (I know WS is much more expensive but I'm a big believer in lifetime return policies)

Until then I will enjoy my clean slate and I encourage you to clean off yours as well. Cheers! :)

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